QUOTE
Kirby: Sinister specters elude me
By Robert Kirby - Tribune columnist - 10/26/2007
I don't believe in ghosts. Casper the Friendly Ghost, the evil spirits from "Poltergeist" or the sophisticated ghost from "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir," it all seems like a bunch of nonsense.
Let me rephrase that - I mostly don't believe in people who believe in ghosts.
Truthfully, I really don't know much about ghosts. They could be everywhere and I just don't notice. I've never seen one, never experienced a haunting, never had one sneak up on me in the shower.
I have a really good idea about people, though. I know there is nothing so ridiculous that human beings won't embrace it as rock-solid fact if we want it badly enough.
I thought I saw a ghost once. I also thought I saw a Martian, a UFO, a leprechaun and a unicorn. Once I shot at Bigfoot.
Each of these encounters took place after considerable psychological preparation. For example, spotting Sasquatch occurred after several hours of nocturnal campfire stories followed by a lone trip to a rickety outhouse.
Here are the facts: I encountered something in the dark. It's possible to scream so loud your eyeballs have to look between your lips instead of over the top of them. Muzzle flashes make chipmunks seem huge.
That other stuff I saw all happened during the summer of '71. In fact, it's pretty much all I remember about that entire year.
The problem with ghosts - or more specifically some of the people who believe in them - is that seeing isn't enough. They have to brag about it. Worse, they don't have to have proof in order to represent themselves as experts and/or dismiss you as dim.
This leaves the field wide open for a lot of experts who are - how to put this delicately? - maybe just a prescription short of being locked up.
I have actually had people point out ghosts they claimed were hanging in the air right in front of me, and I still couldn't see them. Granted, I'm pretty dense. A bus schedule can give me fits.
But if you're pointing at something and other people still can't see it, then it's at least equally probable that you're full of crap. And should any kind of financial gain or self-promotion be at stake, the odds are not in your favor.
Today, I'm religious enough to believe in an afterlife. This would require some sort of spiritual dimension that cannot be seen from here, a place where I will continue being me after I die.
Wait, that means that someday I'll be a ghost. If true, it could only mean one thing: You'd better hope you're dead before I am.
rkirby@sltrib.com
By Robert Kirby - Tribune columnist - 10/26/2007
I don't believe in ghosts. Casper the Friendly Ghost, the evil spirits from "Poltergeist" or the sophisticated ghost from "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir," it all seems like a bunch of nonsense.
Let me rephrase that - I mostly don't believe in people who believe in ghosts.
Truthfully, I really don't know much about ghosts. They could be everywhere and I just don't notice. I've never seen one, never experienced a haunting, never had one sneak up on me in the shower.
I have a really good idea about people, though. I know there is nothing so ridiculous that human beings won't embrace it as rock-solid fact if we want it badly enough.
I thought I saw a ghost once. I also thought I saw a Martian, a UFO, a leprechaun and a unicorn. Once I shot at Bigfoot.
Each of these encounters took place after considerable psychological preparation. For example, spotting Sasquatch occurred after several hours of nocturnal campfire stories followed by a lone trip to a rickety outhouse.
Here are the facts: I encountered something in the dark. It's possible to scream so loud your eyeballs have to look between your lips instead of over the top of them. Muzzle flashes make chipmunks seem huge.
That other stuff I saw all happened during the summer of '71. In fact, it's pretty much all I remember about that entire year.
The problem with ghosts - or more specifically some of the people who believe in them - is that seeing isn't enough. They have to brag about it. Worse, they don't have to have proof in order to represent themselves as experts and/or dismiss you as dim.
This leaves the field wide open for a lot of experts who are - how to put this delicately? - maybe just a prescription short of being locked up.
I have actually had people point out ghosts they claimed were hanging in the air right in front of me, and I still couldn't see them. Granted, I'm pretty dense. A bus schedule can give me fits.
But if you're pointing at something and other people still can't see it, then it's at least equally probable that you're full of crap. And should any kind of financial gain or self-promotion be at stake, the odds are not in your favor.
Today, I'm religious enough to believe in an afterlife. This would require some sort of spiritual dimension that cannot be seen from here, a place where I will continue being me after I die.
Wait, that means that someday I'll be a ghost. If true, it could only mean one thing: You'd better hope you're dead before I am.
rkirby@sltrib.com
